When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
