On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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