New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
