Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
