I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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