porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
