I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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