WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
