I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
