i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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