ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
