Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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