I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
