im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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