I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
