Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
