Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
