i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
