I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
