Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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