so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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