whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you would pick up someone in the library
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
