its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
