that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
