Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
