we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
