Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
