Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
