You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
