tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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