and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
