Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
