time to smoke my breakfast
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
