someone owes me an orgasm
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
