Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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