how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
