Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
