So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
