i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
