you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
