He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
