Can i not drive my cunt home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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