I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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