hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
