Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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