he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had to coat check the pizza.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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