Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
