ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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