haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
