i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
