worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
